12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
