There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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