Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
