i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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