also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
