Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
