Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
