Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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