I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
