hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
