the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
