I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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