drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
