My nipple is on Facebook.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
