Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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