nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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