butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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