so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
