I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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