you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
