I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
