the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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