Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
