??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
