Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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