If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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