I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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