just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
