How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
