I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
