Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
