Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
