I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
