this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
