i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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