it's too hot outside to masturbate.
People in love make me want to vomit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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