So drunk its hurt
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
