Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
