Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
