24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
