I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
