just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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