so that wasnt chicken after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
