apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
