I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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