haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
