those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
