The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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