non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
