remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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