i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
