bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You did what with his pubic hair?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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