it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
