I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
