I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
